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Jokes
Feb 2, 2009 22:50:28 GMT -5
Post by Chris on Feb 2, 2009 22:50:28 GMT -5
> > > > The Divorced Barbie Doll > One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly > remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. > > He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the > sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display > window?" > > The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir? > > We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach > Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for > $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and > Divorced Barbie for $265.95". > > The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the > Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?" > > The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., > Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's > Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made > with Ken's balls
;D
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2009 11:50:45 GMT -5
Post by Kisrah on Feb 8, 2009 11:50:45 GMT -5
LMAO! That's a good one. >D
This is one Trecaa sent me a few weeks back...
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed, and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" And on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long, hot soak in the bathtub, still pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered it, and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a trying day her husband must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?"
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2009 15:18:05 GMT -5
Post by Chris on Feb 8, 2009 15:18:05 GMT -5
Oh shit! That was hilarious! Thanks Kisrah!
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2009 17:36:45 GMT -5
Post by Kisrah on Feb 8, 2009 17:36:45 GMT -5
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2009 18:27:15 GMT -5
Post by Chris on Feb 8, 2009 18:27:15 GMT -5
LOL...There are some great ones there! Thanks Kisrah.
TEN TIMES THE SIZE
The 6th grade science teacher asked her class, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered for a long time until little Mary stood up, angry, and told the teacher that she should not be asking 6th graders a question like that. She was going to tell her parents, who would tell the principal, who would fire the teacher! The teacher ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Finally Billy stood up and said that the body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye. The teacher said "Very good, Billy." Then she turned to Mary and said, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: 1) you have a dirty mind, 2) you didn't read your homework, and 3) one day you will be very, very disappointed."
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the Vegas craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman from Tennessee arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby....Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and- down....and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."
Moral:
Not all blondes are dumb, but all men......are men
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee!"
BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Here is my favorite!
A guy met this girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?" "Okay," she said, "but it won't do you any good." A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?" "Okay," she said again, "but it won't do you any good." He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay, but you know it won't do you any good." They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife." "Oh, well that's different...." she says. "Send her in!"
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Jokes
Feb 8, 2009 20:13:57 GMT -5
Post by Kisrah on Feb 8, 2009 20:13:57 GMT -5
I love the "Ten Times the Size" joke. That one's awesome. And the last one too. Haha! Figured you'd like that one. Damn it's good though! >;D
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